Wednesday, December 28, 2011

I know no greater joy

Than Megan Amram's twitter feed.


Okay, that may be an exaggeration (but only slightly) but my fam and I were CRYING as I read (some of) them aloud today.

It's especially heavy on themes of pathological lying and false pregnancies/phantom children, but something about the nonsensicality of it KILLS ME.

Thanks to my cousin who knew her at college for 'introducing' me.


Seriously, I challenge you to find a sillier twitter feed.  138K followers can't be wrong.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Shalom Hannukah

They did it again. My favorite Maccabeats. You can even spot the Manhattan Morm temple at 2:56! Holla.
Do any other New Yorker Morms play the whole "wait for iiit" game whenever you see something shot around Lincoln Center, too? I've seen it on Gossip Girl ("Spotted!" ahaha), Project Runway, etc. I always laugh at the irony.



Update: Cool, I attached the old one. Above, there ya go with the new. Sorry, I know you are ever on the edge of your seat, reliant on me as a current and prolific web presence!!!! But my mind is elsewhere these days... yep, an announcement soon for, again, the many scores of readers who tune in!!!!!! ;)

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The mind atrophy that is California Dreaming

I am still in California, and my quickness of mind with each passing day is decaying exponentially. It is liberating, expected, but still unnerving.

I feel so much mind-lapsing, my brain constantly struggles to find the words, the right thoughts, the right way to quantify life... like I exist in a vacuum of the tip-of-the-tongue phenomenon.

Let me offer this musical explanation:




California Dreaming: I guess it's a fine quandary in which to find oneself, especially if you're able-minded enough to identify it? :)

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

I'm thankful for Great Britain ... wait...

I am on the verge of tears from the nostalgic connection that listening to The Beatles associates with home.

I know, how sort-of un-American of me on this eve of Thanks. 

But yes, even though they stand in somewhat of a retort to what the holiday stands for, I am thankful for these Brits (and yes you can mock my Kate Middleton Cambridge adoration as well) that aid in punctuating these lovely feelings.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Live from New York, it's Saturday night!

Is it so lame that sometimes all I want to do weekend nights is hibernate?

Namely, crawl in my bed, read books, stuff my friends share on Google +, and troll through Good Reads?

I must be too old for these young whippersnappers nowadays. ;)

Friday, November 18, 2011

Guess what's back?!

After a painfully long hiatus, Kate Middleton For The Win is back! I literally squealed when it popped up on my Reader. I'm a winner, I know. But what woman wouldn't want to birth meaningless figureheads as her job? Right!

As one of my friends aptly put it, "I hope it's 'Kate Middleton's Baby For The Win' soon."



Also, thanks to Biggins, behold the following trifecta of AWESOME: a Stereotype Map, made by a Masshole, about Mass.


Thursday, November 17, 2011

Baby steps to the bigger picture

A deep thought from November 2011. I was really into saving the world but overwhelmed with how to start.


When people earnestly ask me what I really want to do with my life, it's to somehow get involved in combatting human trafficking.

I'm not sure what way it will manifest itself, as I currently feel ill-equipped to take on such a monumental task. I guess education is the first step. Reading news in hopes a eureka moment will come at some point.

I appreciate that so many apply the word "abolitionism" to this global problem ... I think it connotes something greater than sex slave, and maybe will cause more to feel compelled and horrified.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Writing woes

I am guilty of various grammatical errors, but the singular rule that consistently makes me double-check myself is the difference between 'it's' and 'its'. 

I'm always inclined to use "it's" as a possessive pronoun and have to remind myself that no, it solely signifies a contraction. i.e. "It's walls are covered with paint" seems like the most normal usage to me! Gah!

I know! I know! This seems an elementary problem, especially when you consider that their/there/they're is a non-issue for me most of the time and I (usually) don't have trouble with other contractions!

This whole handicap reminds me of the days when, long after I could proficiently read and write, my littlest sister was learning how with phonics-oriented curriculum (as I did not). I remember looking over her homework, and questioning my own fluency. After concluding that yes, I could still hablo ingles, I decided that it was a very inadvertent way to acquire literacy.

Silly grammar. I tip my hat to anyone learning English. It is a language that often intimidates me, even though it's (got it!) my first.

What are your grammar hang-ups?

Monday, November 14, 2011

Musings on vanity

From November 2011. My attitudes remain the same.


It's a little scary how happy makeup makes me. It is not born of deep-seated shame in how I look without it, I simply love the proces: the application, the artistry, the techniques you learn, the end result, and even the packaging.

For some girls, it's shoes. For me, it's cosmetics.

I've even started watching YouTube tutorials, inspired by my sister who watches tutorials on nail art, knitting, and hair techniques.

BUT DO NOT, I mean DO NOT, youtube things about skin acne problems. Take it from me, they cannot be unseen!! ;)

To live is to leave

Airplanes are an interesting situation. Beyond the uncomfortable being sardines with strangers bit, it is a time when I am easily distracted (I realize said variables are not mutually exclusive). Books only go a chapter or two before I get sleepy. Oh, maybe I'll sleep for the duration! I always hope falsely, trying not to let my internal dialogue jinx myself. And, 45 minutes later, I'm awake, walking the aisles. I try to milk being vertical for all it's worth and hang out by the bathrooms until some bully crew member tells me they 'need the area clear'. Why can't I just chill by the door and look morbidly at the emergency exit handle (you know you've played the mental what-if game, too)? I have always been too afraid to ask. Then I return to my seat, and sit blank-faced as I decide whether to drown out the droning plane engine noise with music or read or try to conjure exhaustion. And so the cycle of distraction repeats itself.

My latest flights took me to Utah, a place I swore up and down I would never return. Originally booked for a wedding, I re-routed my whirlwind on-the-ground plans to see a bunch of friends instead. It was maybe the most relaxed I've ever been on a trip in my life, for various reasons. I concluded that Utah is far more interesting than I ever gave credit, but equally so, I know why I was itching to leave and still don't believe I could live again.


Lately, New York has been nothing but hassles coupled with a newly learned sense of chlaustrophobia (disappointing), so anywhere without a good public transportation system would have sufficed (Sorry Boston, 3 weeks ago, I'm looking at you and your T). Lucky for Utah this time, I had a wonderful time seeing so many dear friends in different phases of life than when we last parted ways.

And it was on the airplane, high in the sky, where I cemented my feelings for how much they mean to me. And how at peace I am with my life, in all its competing struggles and triumphs. And how free and liberated I am at this moment to potentially go somewhere new, or stay with a renewed perspective on how to live here in the city, starting with this guidance I've heard tossed around for a while: "To live in New York is to leave it."

Needless to say, I'm a believer now.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

ABOUT that whole hipsterdom bit

If you haven't seen it by now, NYT ran this lame ass piece about mormons being 'hipster'. I think Brigham, a cool dude in my ward, has the best written insight into it all. At church, there were some funny comments made in passing. As you may gather, its really fun going to church during this time of heightened interest in our community, as everyone is especially news-astute and lessons and talks always have topical spin. I like. Also like? This tumblr: Halloween or Williamsburg

Don't read this if you have a soul

"Get Off My Internets" is my new favorite blog of a month or two, thanks to Tara.

Maybe it's because I've always had a keen sense of spelling (read: neurotic issues) but "atilier fashuns" makes me laugh out loud.

So, we can conclude I am a darkened soul, as you probably think it's all really mean.

Retain that naivete for the both of us, please! ;)


Updates from the city:
I think I've finally zero'ed in on where Anna Wintour lives. From pause/playing the part in the September Issue a few times, and the fact that I walk by it every time on the way to yoga.
Oh wait, now I feel really dumb because I just googled it and realized I could have had the answer a month sooner. But I feel kind of superior for figuring something out without Google, for once. Haha.
I had a dream that Andre Leon Talley lived across the street from me last night, and we hung out. Weird.

FALL (aka Claritin and Sudafed season) is here!!! Yipee!!!!! I have also started to shun gluten products, as they congest me, so hip hip hooray for no bagels or pizza!

Twitter might as well be a significant other of mine. I love that I can read news headlines and jokes at my beckoned call waiting for a friend and needing to look "cool/busy" on my phone ... or like tonight, as I sat in Washington Square Park and checked it as I listened to an impromptu gospel choir and bums picking at the trash around me. Delightful.
I'm @ZandraLane, if you wanna follow.

LSU is really fun to watch, because they win. The 'bama game last weekend was a nail biter! Related: How adorable is this "I am a Mormon" knockoff of USC quarterback Matt Barkley?

Thursday, November 3, 2011

The only one?

Am I the only one that finds this video distressing?? Little kids crying is the most upsetting sound in the world; why would anyone preempt it? Well, I guess Kimmel didn't expect there to be so much crying... Ah well.



Rest assured, I do have a sense of humor (?), the red pajama'ed one at the end made me keel over. "Oh wow, good for you..." HAHAHA

Friday, October 28, 2011

3 year olds know how to party

This whole week has been a rollercoaster of deceit and shallowness but also some true genuinity. Sorting through the hot and cold was exhausting.

Not to mention that it literally dropped down to the 30s overnight and it's SNOWING IN BOSTON, where I was last weekend! NIMBY, snow, nimby... at least not yet....


Basically, today I wanna kick it poolside in Orange County with my niece.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Not acceptable

For lunch, I had the crappiest Thai curry up to this point in my life, and probably for the rest.

So watery: I literally let the waiter take it after I picked out all the chicken and veggies. 

And ever since I've been in a bad mood.

I sound like such a dude.

The eye of the beholder

I don't find Justin Timberlake slightly attractive.

Dude is talented, yes, when his voice doesn't sound whiny... which to his credit he has really improved from the Bye Bye Bye days.

Dance moves? I cannot compete.

Comedic range? Unmistakable. Especially because he is not above playing wonky characters... one specific instance being Peg as Target Lady's best friend (about 2 months ago, I went for a week of watching this sketch about 10 times daily).



But sex appeal? Let's just say everytime I walk past a newsstand in the subway and see him attempting some smoldering variation, I giggle to myself, because to me, his face resembles more the rats I see crawling around beneath the platform.

So him being a bumbling stoned idiot on Letterman made me laugh.

Yeah, I'm just a little shy about sharing other things...so i resort to celebrity mocking. Hah.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Heroes in a half shell

I just sat here crying and snorting laughing for the last 4 minutes over this Tumblr:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Noses.

"GOD IS THE ARTIST, I JUST FIND THE NINJA TURTLE IN HIS WORK." - Oh Tumblr denizens, you are such a DELIGHT!

Also, this 'letter' from Goldman Sachs by Andy Borowitz is hilarious.

Also today, passed Kenneth from 30 Rock on the street and instantaneously made a cheesy grin. I realized this was very fitting reaction.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

You've seen it many times

On the verge of tears from giggling. Ah, Hollywood!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Hope

I know some may disagree on this editorial concept, but I think Hope Solo is just stunning.



As someone who everyday sees models (and others) so obviously on a heavy rotation of cigarettes, coffee, and cocaine, I love seeing muscle put on a pedestal.

I remember seeing Anja Rubik at an event a few months ago and thinking I could literally snap her in half with my fingers. It really scared me! And this from someone who has hoped my whole life to be lankier. Part of what's been so great about getting older is learning to appreciate my more 'athletic' form. I've also taken to wearing heels (when I don't have long walking routes planned), because I find it empowering to toooower over people. I guess I've finally reached a mental place where I know will never be able to blend in, so I figure why not just punctuate the hell out of standing out?

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Gratitude & Gingers

For the Lykke Li Pandora station.

For successfully weaning myself off caffeine, for a while now. Cross your fingers for me as winter impends!

For evolving tastes.

For having wonderful friends with an enormity of depth to appreciate, each of them.

For fun sightings, like Conan this morning across the street, snapped by roomie. (Did you know he's 6'4"?)

Off by 50 years


I miss DVR, mainly for the reason of taping Wheel and Jeopardy. That's all.

-Grandma

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Trader Joe's is NOT a good deal

...because their food is so delicious that I end up eating most of the groceries that I hoped would last a week or so, in about 48 hours!
Por ejemplo, I buy two boxes of their fruit popsicles and a carton of their dark chocolate sea salt almonds because that will suuurely tide me over a week in the treat department. And when the aformentioned costs all of 10 bucks altogether you justify saying, "Oh, at that price I could eat all of this in a day! Not that I would or anything. What am I? A glutton?... ha ha ha..."
BUT what happens is that you do.
(Well, in 2 days.)
Oops. ;)

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

An invincible summer.

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. -Albert Camus
ya

On an episode Jeopardy this week they had a 'Surfin Safari' clue category, and I remembered again, how much I don't miss the Golden State.

Even when my fam emails me "It's 70 degrees today - you sure you don't like it here?"

I feel like the 'cold' is a fair undertaking when the other option is being bored to tears.

Of course, never say never: perhaps one day my Nor'eastern blood may run thin and I'll welcome the mind atrophy that is living in the tropics.

Word choice anxiety

I realize my posting has been pretty scattered and perhaps hard to follow. I'm trying harder to expunge details and thoughts without getting crippling word-choice anxiety that too often leads to drafts left unpublished.

The other day I received an email with the exact address of my old house as the subject line and some gibberish in the body (much like a Craigslist spammer, but this one was an incomplete business proposal), and it freaked me out. I am scared for my anonymity, and scared that somehow this account will one day serve as blackmail or that people will use this info as a way to predict my real-life behavior. There is also concern that people take some things too literally when sarcasm is intended (or vice-versa)... or that this blog informs my life. Inform or contradict, I'm just here for the writing practice and to entertain a couple of you who have supported me along the way.

Anyways, I hope you can graciously pardon the errors of run-on sentences, nonsensical comparisons, and incomplete thought processes, to name a few of my foes.

Or maybe I'm just in my head (which is highly, if not, entirely possible).

US Open Final: a story of NY convenience

I thought I should simply get it on record that getting tickets to the US Open final was a story of NY convenience. 
I'm sitting with my roommate watching the Nadal-Murray semifinal, thinking, "Gee, I wonder if there are any last minute tickets people are trying to sell for the finals."
Computer out, searched, called several numbers, made plans to pick one set up at the Astor Place Starbucks, and the tickets were mine within the hour.
 

Lol-erblading

People sometimes laugh at me when I tell them rollerblading is one of my favorite things to do here, until they try it with me.

Besides being able to go fast without hurting my knees or lugging a bike around, here are a few pictures that show why rollerblading is the best.

I took the following in San Fran at a shop where we rented bikes (I know, lame...) to ride through Golden Gate park.

"A logical, functional, sensible way to look ripped, rad and sexy."
- every one of those adjectives is just a little off, and therefore, magnificent.


Saw this guy when I was rollerblading with my sis in Central Park. On his way to JFK?
Ha, we probably laughed for a good five minutes.


And!

I am so jealous of these skills:

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

9/11 in the city

9/11 was pretty draining, I must say. The whole city was collectively re-mourning the events over an over again, and even though I live here now, I strained to feel the same way. And when I couldn't, I mourned this gap in experience as only a self-absorbed, 20-something could.
Mourned that 10 years ago, I was just a high schooler with jerk-wad teachers who kept hushing us that day so they could get on with their lessons, and didn't personally see any footage of these rumored horrors that would change history until 6pm EST.

For all I theorize about New York City being a distinct province separate from America, it is still America. Arguably it's most tenacious city but, on that day, I think many people considered themselves part of America.  

Took these walking back from church. The only time I've seen people pause at these memorials.


Then after I went to the US Open to watch Serena "You are unattractive inside" Williams lose... roommate and I watched the 9/11 documentary on CBS, which was haunting in the very least. Both of us had a hard time sleeping that night, myself because I kept seeing those seconds of the first plane zooming overhead and the firefighters innocently staring up at the sound as they were doing a routine check on something else. Did any of you see it? Yikes.

Saluting September

My birthday was great! Not a huge deviance to my normal routine, but overall, 24 has so far, really agreed with me. Maybe it's simply the evenness of the number. I mean, for one, I played all 7 tiles in a turn of Scrabble last week (it was over 2 triple words, too... 'SALUTING', if you were wondering). So that's good?
My roommate and I have friends in the adjacent building to ours, and long story short, we were heading to dinner to celebrate the big 2-4 and I was left alone on the stoop for a minute while they ran inside to grab things forgotten.
When a couple came and sat on the step above me, I gave it no notice until I heard him whisper something followed by "Happy Birthday" softly, followed by a gasp and a box out of the corner of my eye. After a few moments, I turn and say (I mean, they're sitting 10 inches away from me) "Oh, is it your birthday?!" and she nods. However, before I can tell her that it's mine, too, I notice the huge rock on that finger and the telltale little square box sitting in his lap.
"Wait, did you guys just get engaged?!" I prod. They nod, grinning, and I immediately launch into congratulations, about the time my friends return to the stoop and I tell them of the news, and we all make a rather emphatic (by NY standards) scene of it.
One of my friends takes their picture and then in a break from my own picture-taking refrain (I always regret it, but it feels so forced, innapropriate and awkward in the moment), I decide I can't let my serendipitous moment with the couple I will never see again slip away.
So here is:

"'Our' Moment"/"A September 13 Sandwich"/"A Stoop Proposal" ....

and ultimately, "Only In New York: Installment 3874568723493"

Babies

I love rap music. I know, so unrefined...

My favorite is Jay-Z. His voice is just...well let's just say I'd have gotten pregnant a lot sooner than Beyonce if I were in her situation.

But he's a small man (confirmed by one of my old roommates who saw him on our street), and so we'd have little children. Kind of like Kim Kardashian and her new gorilla basketballer husband. I emailed my mom some hilarious photo that really showed their height disparity and she replied, "I hope he knows his kids won't be able to play basketball, too...or at least, let's hope their genes mesh fortuitously." CLASSIC.

I digress.

Anyways, love this song. Not really sure what all the gangsta-speak is referencing but I went to a really intense power yoga class the other day (where I have NEVER seen so many handstand variations executed flawlessly in my life. Not even in the Olympics. God bless the gays.) and this song made the recoil from the 20 pushup order to my chataranga by the linebacker teacher (if there ever were a linebacker who, say, got a lotus flower tattoo and replaced a few steaks with green juice to lean out a bit) a little less shameful.

And did you know that Jay-Z's name refers to where the J and Z subway lines meet in Brooklyn? Yeah, only learned that about a month ago. I felt like I finally joined an exclusive club, only to find all my friends were hanging out without me. Betrayed.

Also funny? My sister who was on her Southeast Asian tour ran into B.o.B at this rooftop pool in Singapore when he was filming this video.

We all know it didn't happen if there are no pictures, right?




Hilarious.

Monday, September 12, 2011

AYE!

Fashion's Night Out was a good time. My roommate's uncle is Billy Reid, so we went to his store for a while and listened to some good down home southern live music.


Sauntered down through SoHo, only to see Spring Street transformed into a mob scene around the DASH store (which, for reference, is nothing more than skanky mall clothes with a 5000% markup).

Walked all the way up to Meatpacking District and browsed DVF. Caught up with some friends.

Stopped in Magnolia's on the way home; they had cute FNO cupcakes. See!

Then we went to the Billy Reid fashion show the next evening at Milk Studios. Saw Brad Goreski (formerly Rachel Zoe's assistant) who actually seemed very friendly, patiently posing for pictures people embarrassingly asked to take of him;

Chris Bosh of the Knicks (Google and tell me his face isn't the spitting image of a lizard)

and The Anna Wintour ... who we then stalked down the hallway.

Then had Thai food under The Highline.

Then went to my friend's birthday party at Ajna in Meatpacking.


Then yesterday, went to the US Open Women's Final. And confirmed Serena's bad attitude (Just YouTube "serena williams 2009 us open semifinal"), cheered Stosur to beat her in straight sets.

Love the Aussies! aye!


Banner weekend, AYE?! (I'll get into photography when I retire. Sorry for the less-than quality pictorial evidence... haha)

Aaand my birthday is tomorrow! oioioi! HA!

Went, went...back, back...to Cali, Cali

As soon as airports opened after blessed Irene, I flew out to LA for work and San Francisco for Labor Day weekend. I gotta say after a couple days, I was already aching to get back to New York.

That being said, it was ... interesting... being back in Southern California. On one hand the vibe is so familiar... for the first time in 8 months, I was back where my life started.
But the superficiality shocked me more than I ever anticipated. Even the local morning news I had to flip off as I was getting ready because the ad-libbing of the dumb witted anchors was making me me lose faith in humanity.

AND! I forgot how cold it is at night (relatively!)! I guess since I've never spent the summer in California, I didn't realize that it's just as cold as January and uh, you can't just wear a tank top and shorts all the time as with humid Eastern summer nights. Lesson learned. HA.

San Fran was cool- it was my first time since one of my uncles' Stanford graduation back in the late 80s when I was just wee - but mostly because of the fabulous company of my cousins, their friends, and great seafood.
It will also be a memory of the fog (and getting sunburned oh-so-sneakily!!!), getting carsick from (or winded from walking) the hills, getting aggravated at the lack of parking, and boiling pot after pot of water for herbal tea.
I guess next time I should pack more than a light shrug and cropped leather jacket and get in a more Seattle kind of mentality!

I just looked through my camera photos and aptly, they are basically all herbal tea shots (the consumption was no joke), so if my computer starts complying with my demands I will post them.

I did get a ridiculous photo of me hanging off some guys' boat in SF Bay while we all listened to Kid Cudi and other bro-tastic things.

Shenanigans.

You're not surprised, I'm aware. ;)

Irene Aftermath

My roommate and I ended up hunkering down at my cousins' gorgeous townhouse uptown.
There's really nothing like watching hurricane coverage on a high-def projector, and then taking the home elevator up to go to bed.
By Sunday night, roomie and I were in the East Village watching the Saints game (which deserves a post of its own, the saints fans and the southern culture - awesome)
My friends down in the Financial District were the most at risk, urged to evacuate, but if their home videos of them giggling, sauntering in the flooded streets is any indication... we're all just fine.
Thankfully, the only damage done for us was the "Irene 15" (commisserated by everyone who gave themselves a 'free pass' to gorge on high-cal food or get wasted, or both), and now we have 5 cases of water to work through! UGH! So many self-absorbed #WhiteGirlProblems!!! ;)

Friday, August 26, 2011

On this eve of Irene

My Southern roommate suggested we have a Hurricane Party (they exist down there! mind blown!), to fete Irene, the lady of the weekend.
Only when we realized she would arrive an unfashionable day early than expected, that it started getting real.

The #WhiteGirlProblems/#FirstWorldProblems jokes about missing the US Open, or missing a run, or parties being cancelled... have lessened.

People actually paused to read signs in the subway about the scheduled noon closure tomorrow.

The air feels different. Not sure what energies of science are unfurling around me, but the best way to describe how I feel is a mild case of vertigo and maybe even otherworldliness.

The city was a very funny place today. It was as if the incoming storm was a secret everyone thought they must be stoically sworn to secrecy about, and only with a knowing glance in the aisles at the store as you carried your water or query for where you got your batteries were you outed as One Who Knows, Too.

And then there were some carefree, arm in arm on their way to early dinner.

And there were buskers beat boxing on our corner, documented by iPhone by roommate.

The super came by today to fix a door. I offered him some mint chocolate brownies I had whipped up and he declined, citing his veganism. (only here would one have a vegan super! HA!).

My flight to LA is cancelled Monday.

Our cases of water are stacked.


We have cards, books, and Taboo.

Be nice to us, Lady I, won't you?



PS:
Gawker, usually the Captains of Snark, rallies us to good cheer

New Yorkers, even during hurricanes, are like no other.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

For when the desired result is NOT pizza

So my epidermis has proved an uphill battle since I moved to this 'swamp pit' (my west coast dermatologist's words... my east coast one has been perplexed- "isn't California polluted, too?" oh, easterners.)

I came to an independent conclusion that my issue was related to the need to shrink my pores, as all other elements were aligned (I eat well, do yoga like a crazy person, drink water like a camel... you remember? ok.)

So here are some things I've learned from my bathroom laboratory studies:
1- use a toner after cleansing ("too simple, thus, must be ineffective" I used to reason) I use one from Dr. Denese, a line that comes roommate/swamp pit-veteran recommended: more effective than a doctor's suggestions, in my experience.
2- use exfoliating pads to stimulate new skin cells.
3- use sunscreen. I previously scoffed at this, because I'm outside for maybe 10 minutes a day or in the shadow of buildings, but guess what? the sunlight and elements aid in expanding pores, making a bigger home for dirt to hang out, so I saw the light (PUN INTENDED) and SPF'ed.

As for #2 of the above, enter Peter Thomas Roth Max Correction Complexion pads, which you can find at sephora ... (whose employees are helpful 72% of the time, which is a wonder as they don't collect commission ... and have a liberal return policy... and show up HIGH on a Google search, their SEO is on TOP of things! ... I digress...)

PROS: they are magic, correct ruddiness and pizza face breakouts. and not just any ordinary 'pizza face', no, pizza face like you see being reheated under those sad lamps at the corner bodega, that bad.

CONS: You DO have to mentally prepare yourself, sit down, and take long deep breaths (a process not unlike childbirth, methinks) while you exfoliate as your face feels like it's on fire.

...I think I will try the Gentle ones next time to see if I get the same results without the whole Lamaze breathing aspect, in which I currently SHOULD be receiving course credit.

...they boast a 'peach bellini' scent that is really just propaganda to take your mind of the fiery hell that is happening on your face and to the beach or your own 'happy place', otherwise the glycolic and alcohol being rubbed on my face has made me cough, sneeze, and perform other surprise involuntary reactions... maybe for you it would be a cartwheel.



I have also used MD Skincare and Aveda ones in the past with success, however, this time around, I needed stronger ammunition.

Also helpful:
-not using waxy foundations/powders. MAC is one culprit, as it is actually formulated for the stage or camera (optional predicate: "dahling").
-using a clay-based mask every now and then to further shrink pores

Okay enough of that, look at this cute photo of Kate and Pippa last weekend! Aww, sisters.


Sunday, August 14, 2011

Momofuku

Means "lucky peach" ... fitting.

I moved down to the West Village, which is ridiculous. I love all my friends, and all the people who surround me, my family, my incredible parents and sibs. My job is ridiculous. Life is ridiculous. I am bursting with ridiculousness, and I'm sounding painfully ridiculous describing all of it.

For this wringer of a year I've had, I'm now the most sure I've ever been of what I want from life. This city and the experiences I've had thusfar have completely ripped open all of my prior notions to shreds, humbling me to take a crash course of how the world really works and how my energies should most efficiently be directed in the present.
I turn 24 next month and in all seriousness, I feel like the adventure has only JUST begun. Funny (now) that only 6 months ago, it felt as if it were just beyond my grasp.
I have never felt more happy or formidable, and just so glad I persevered through the roughness of uncertainty.

Aaand now, picture time.
After Momofuku this past week, (The definition of inventive. Get the pickled mussels container thing-y and then go across the street to the Milk bar and get their cake truffles), literally ran into this:




Still feel SO bad Suri has to carry an umbrella due to flashbulbs.


Anyway, I hope all of you are well and if not, know it all gets better with a time!

Friday, July 29, 2011

Well, East Coast girls are hip

Even though my California Girl je ne sais quoi is but a small flicker nowadays (not that it was ever blazing), I love this picture so much because it captures my childhood.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

More reasons why I love my friends

An open letter to Mr. Sun

I almost forgot about my whole hate-love relationship with you!

On one hand, that whole literal shininess bit is nice.

But quickly mitigated by the residual sunburn and migraine you leave in your wake.

Sure, you can slap me on the wrist for neglecting the former.


However, before you jump to any conclusions that I am dehydrated, you should know that I drink water like a camel preparing for a trans-African, multiple dust storm journey ...

EVERY DAY.

What gives, Mister?!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Bachelorette Recap Ep. 9: a.k.a. 'How To Mispronounce "Nervous'"

Welp, I may not have called Ames' (formerly known as Gaymes) preferences, but so many have since come out of the closet in favor. Including Telly, who strongly prefers pirates or lumberjack types. Apparently, NO one is immune from the allure of The Prep. Or maybe Telly just likes men. I mean, because I'm getting SO good at calling these kinds of things, LET'S BE HONEST. ;)


Ah, it's really been SUCH a "hard time" Ash!!!


I guess if this happened to me, I might think the same way.


Ben, it's actually PREFERABLE if you were NEVER ok with "this kind of thing." Most people in their right mind are not.

Ahh, huge diss to the other Groban by not showing family footage OR the producers ran out of things to show about snoozefest Constantine.

'JP LOOKS LIKE A MODEL.' Best thing she's ever said.

Writing in her jerNAL.

I TOLD YOU SOLAR PANELS WAS CREEPY!!!

"And Chris said, 'Jackpot. This will make great TV because you are so unaware of your embarrassing behavior.'"

Winemaker Groban is going through a 'finding himself' phase or whatever NorCal winemakers do when they're not cruising around their vineyards via vespa.

"I wanted her to liiike meee. Did she?" Insecure question #987945873

She doesn't care for you and curses the day my sister signed me up for this, "but she knows I'm [temporarily] happy."

I can't even comment on these awkward "Uh, yeah. I'd, uh, love to go to the fantasy suite" statements.


Constantine is the next Bachelor, mark my words.

WHAT IS HER OUTFIT? Worst one by far.

"Really, [I look tan]?" Insecure question #...I lost count.

LOL OF THE SEASON: Solar Panels watching the helicopter ride.

You have water FOR a brain, Ashley.

"I wanted a mancave" I rest my case.

"We don't have a lot of time" because all good relationships don't take time, either.


Oh, shoot, Barry's on. It's the end of America, we get it. Thanks for the reminder to look into New Zealand real estate, Obama.

Boehner's on, too. Shoot. Better look at Oz as well. Not since 1600 has paying taxes to The Queen (for among other things, Andy's shenanigans) felt so intuitive. Regressing has never been so de rigueur!!


Ok, back to Ashley for more mind atrophy.

Ahahaha, it's so clear why they brought Ryan back. Looove it. She's so insecure.

Solar Panels is the kind that puts himself in the line of abuse and then demands sympathy. Go away already.

Oh shoot, SP is the next Bach. OH DEAR.



Ugh, you're a perfectly nice Jewish boy. You deserve so much better!

WHAT ARE HER EARRINGS? Still at the roller rink...

Bentley FTW.

"You can't hold back" = "I'm so insecure that you're not telling me that you love me."


"nerVISSS" - she STILL can't pronounce it correctly.

Ah, FINALLY, her Amy Winehouse (RIP) sister calling out her BS.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Little ditties I love.

Little sis is on a grand tour of Southeast Asia with her friend, and pictures have just started to roll in on The Face (book).

Could this be the first 6'2" ginger Vietnam has ever seen? Perhaps.


Watched Notorious with my mom the other day and found out that Ingrid Bergman is the spitting image of my grandmother.


Based on this past weekend's impromptu focus group, Sponge Paint Lady is a HIT with private school girls. You know, the ones who already speak 5 languages each, and wax especially rhapsodic about the dead ones.
Clearly, you all need to reexamine your humorous preferences.
Just kidding, I'm not forcing my lifestyle on you. ;)


My new job is finally starting next week, and I move even further downtown in two weeks. The horizon is so bright, not even the melting streets can bring me down.

:)

Thursday, July 21, 2011

We interrupt these messages

To make the announcement that Liz's (my intelligent, uplifting, and mature comrade) friend's friend went on a date with Ames.

And he is "definitely not gay."



Talk about a blow to the ego: I thought I was getting so gooood at calling 'em! ;)

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

You asked for it

I have watched this video no less than 25 times.

You're welcome.*




*keep your mind out of the gutter!

via Jezebel

Monday, July 18, 2011

Bachelorette Recap Ep. 8: Pizza making, the ultimate trump card

"normal sAttings"

"I love his long hair"

She is dressed like she's on the way to a Dancing With The Stars dress rehearsal. PerFact.

(oblivious to what she is insinuating) : "The waitresses just lAv him!

Constantine wants to win because he knows his family is shopping their restaurant for a reality show. Lots of job securities are on the line!!! Don't blow it!!!

So funny how these talks are staged. Like this is the FIRST time dad and son have talked about the future. Oh wait, it's the Bachelor...maybe it IS the first time... In the words of Andy Samberg, "Awkward!!!"



OPAAAAAA!!!!

HAHAHA Parents in the doorway!!!!! Is that taught in film school? Reality TV 101?


Ames "hasn't brought home many girls before." Yeah, because the other other girls didn't have camera crews.

My friend Liz thinks he's the weirdest-looking person ever. SAD for her...

(Just one of many email threads between us. I live for them. They're so intelligent, uplifting, and mature.)

"She's brilliant" - OH DEAR

Aww, Gaymes.


Ashley, you like ANY Josh Groban lookalike.

Boat shoes for the win. The hair is such a conflicting element of his under-prep-stimated image.

He's only brought 1 home because normal girls don't travel with camera crews, Ashley.

LOL. Yes, mom! Cut the hair in his sleep!!!!!

All these moms love her, wow.


JP takes a sympathy fall; confirms, once again, that he has no spine.

Oh, his hair is growing back. yipee!!!

'I get on such a high...' when these camera crews come around.

"Please enjoy yawselves" -new yawker hawspitahlity.

Aw, she's such a good jewish mom.

Bar mitzvah photo is GENIUS!!!!!


EXSHAPSHUNAL.


Winemaker cut his hair! Hallelujah.

"Pizza maker over Harvard Business School, wow." - my mom. Oh wait, it's the Bachelorette... I ALMOST FORGOT.

Friday, July 15, 2011

I'm a complex individual

I am SO glad my life is not solely reduced to the White Girl Problems twitter feed.

Behold the F*** I'm in My Twenties! tumblr. OH GOOD.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

For the win


Just because.


Remember when it was a thing? Sigh.

Bachelorette Recap Ep. 7: Out with the Girlie Men

(To quote a despicable, multiple siring governator)



"Taiwan is the Hidden jewel of asia because most people don't know about it." Don't insult our intelligence, Ashley.

Why is she always dressed like she's on Spring Break in Cancun. Would it KILL you to wear a longer than fallopian length skirt, Ashley?!

"steam engAn"

Because Constantine is still a bro, Ash. That's why it's moving slow.

A wedding I attended this past weekend did this same lantern thing! It looked magical, in the twilight over a lake.

"Taking this lantern thing seriously! = there's a potential future together!" *PALM TO FOREHEAD

Gorgeous is spelled GORGES... Ashley meant "GorGAS!"

I care about Ashley a lot, but you know, I still can't give up my residual frat-tastic ways.

They're talking about Brad Womack?

Her insecure questions have become a common thread. (i.e. "Do you think our love wish will come through?")

PerFact, PerFact.

Another Spring Break in Cancun outfit.

Solar Panels is the most obnoxious person on the face of the planet. Grow some testosterone and try getting mad, for once. Ahhh girlie men.

Aww, MacGRUBER (!) (Lucas) trying to make coherent sentences.

"You ARE seriAs about this?" Insecure question #98384

"I don't think she will end up with any of them. They're all such looosers!" - sister

Aaand, another Spring Break Forever 21 outfit.

*GASP - GAYMES'S appearance! PerFact!!!

Gaymes is loving this shoot.

"You nerVas? All this wwwedding stuff?!" -insecure question #89082

MacGruber is a girlie man ... mad about outfits? Oy.

Oh Gaymes. I die for little prep school boys in their uniform coat and tie.

Solar Panels fiiishing for intimacy.

He's SO bent out of shape about that block throwing thing. Wow.

Solar Panels the Tai-Chi EXPERT.

He is exhausting.

But Solar Panels would do the same thing (storm out of a girls apartment over a tossed water bottle). Of course, he's creepy so he'd never admit it until the opportunity presented itself.

Girlie man! This confessional is so unnecessary and embarrassing! Stop!

Her dress is Spring Break Cancun mermaid style.

I'm just sad I won't be able to yell "MacGruber!" anymore at the screen.




Ahh, snooze. Which one of her Spring Break outfits was your favorite? Meaning, the worst?!



Wait, Emily?

He'll always be a huge part of your life?

DOT DOT DOT for the win.

You'll always be in love with him?

Sunday, July 10, 2011

When sport becomes art

My dad and I got really emotional watching the USA vs. Brazil Womens' World Cup game today.

I have never had such a reaction to a sporting event in my life!

If you didn't see it, this recap is the best... but does NOT even include:

-the USA was playing 10 on 11 for the most of the game

-The Stretcher Incident pulled in the last couple minutes before stoppage (I was SEETHING. SEETHING!!!)

-that Marta (Brazil) is the #1 ranked player in the world

- the generally INNUMERABLE times that main ref made ludicrous calls on us.

-Wambach's post game interview in which she mentioned how the game reflects American determination as a whole.

among other things.

there aren't very many cases where many come off on top on such a grand stage, when all odds are stacked against, in as dramatic or beautiful a fashion.

"So get this through your bonnet:"

How to be a Young Lady in 1939 Manhattan via Gawker



"...but for night life, well you've got to have that otherwise dispensable creature, man, with you."

Obsessed.



I think this is funny ... but then I immediately go back to fawning over Kate's outfits for the 2039483rd time.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Bachelorette Recap Ep. 6: I'm SO over Bentley.

And so we begin another adventure in our journey of love with half men (if we are following rules of radioactivity 'half life', they are 25% men by now... right? I don't know, I haven't done math since high school).

That still shot of her with the traffic racing behind. Fail. Not dramatic enough a contrast, so therefore, as cool looking as those 'Glamour Shots' all the cholas at my high school had from the mall.

This 'closure' stuff is such bs.

"He's here?!!!" Duh, you flew him here!

"I'm not gonna mess with you" - such a little skeeze, that Chris Harrison. For one, why didn't he show her Bentley's interviews?

The editing is off. No, we, the audience are not buying that it's going to be a toss up (if he's going to come back or leave).

Duh, don't they know the tabloids were all over this ... oh, 4 months ago?

Wow, he's really conniving = this is reeeeally embarrassing for her.

Bentley's so bored running the trampoline gym/wants to be on TV so badly that he got on a 20 hour flight to have a 20 min conversation.

I'm LOVING the voice over "he's a player, etc" with the shot of him on the couch.

I'm SO over Bentley... I'm so ready to hang out with the guys but won't tell them about Bentley yet, thereby giving him more weight... I'm so glad Bentley's gone... Bentley Bentley Bentley Bentley Bentleeeeeeeeyyyyyy.

Lucas aka Texas version of Will Forte (MacGruber- SNL).

"It's known for it's neon signs." Is that really a thing? Pretty sure I'd just go to Las Vegas if I were into that.

"This looks like New York." I'm glad most people have the burning image of Times Square as what New York looks like, so they won't move here. heehee.

I'm SO over Bentley.

Ugh. Don't like square toed shoes on someone who is not a metrosexual tool/Italian/gay. Now I'm not the kind of person that notices what guys wear specifically. A whole look (preppy?!!), yes. But specifics, no. But NO square toed shoes, just the normal guy shoes, thanks.

"I haven't thought about Bentley at all" NOT AT ALL.

MacGruber's going to save me from Bentley!

Crop top #485674.

"Hello, do you want to meet a creepy American who will lean over your restaurant table and demand you speak his language?!!"
- Oh, Solar Panels. He reminds me of this kid on one of my study abroads, who, when he went to Australia, was considerate enough to make his travel companions hang around while he learned to play the digeridoo, FOR 8 HOURS.

"He's our greatest fan" -I shouldn't kill any more brain cells hitting my forehead, so I'm just laughing extra hard.


The Josh Grobans are on the same team!!!

They're scared of two strangers (and a fleet of cameras) coming up to them.

If Ryan got a rose, I would pack up and go home. Because it would mean he's not into me. - Gaymes. (wait was that him?)

Ugh, Solar Panels even did the liberty of learning a cantonese word! How IMPRESSIVE.

LOL "Bah-chi" meaning idiot. So perfect. I actually laughed with them, sue me.

"EvAr since Bentley." I'm SO over Bentley.

Oh, sorry... I just took a walk around the block because I was so bored....uh.... where were we?


GAYMES! Going for it!!!! HAHAHA.

Winemaker Josh Groban really pulling out the preppy stops. I really under-prep-stimated him. Now he just needs to cut his hair.

"This date with JP is the most excited I've been" ... since Bentley.

... nervous wrAck.

...beating out of my chAst.

...when he lAft.

I'm SO over Bentley.

I'm SO over Bentley.

But I'm SO over Bentley.

Solar Panels is pissed. But yet, still wants to be here. Wouldn't be as creepy if it weren't Solar Panels.

Solar Panels the therapist moderator sensei ringleader extraordinaire taming all Ashley's emotions.
(HAHAHA. This is perfAct. I think that Glee guy is so ugly)

Gaymes- Loved the enunciation and pacing of the whole 'fairy tale' thing. his mouth moves in odd dirActions.

When all else fails, cry.

Good job. Dentist figured this game out.

"Oh no" -Solar Panels. but secretly happy...again, creepy.

Gaymes with his mouth gay-ping open.

Aaand, once again as is customary on Bach, by raising a valid concern you essentially self-eliminate.

Sorry, Dentist. A friend?!!!?!!
Move to Provo, Utah- girls will throw themselves at you: you're their type! Without leaving your couch, they will bring you food and hook up with you. GO!

Previews look epic.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Happy birthday, Dude

HAPPY 29th, HRH Dude of Cambridge Wills!

I may have clicked through this slideshow a few times in honour of the occasion ...

Despite Harry's sassiness, I'm still a Wills girl, baldness and all.

(Harry has squintier, more Charles-y facial features, no?).

Aaaand this photo...this photo... just. never. gets. old. Sigh. Swoon.



Ok I really need an intervention...

Monday, June 20, 2011

Bachelorette Recap Ep. 5: Make love, not Muay Thai

Hey guys!!

Well I have successfully yoga-ed and green juice-d (I'm totally guilted into this whole alkaline pH green-i-fying yourself thing. every coffee shop in NYC is now a juicer, no joke) my way out of this unsettling funk I was in ALL day and ready for another round of gross exaggerating and snarky bashing of the Bachelorette half-men.

Not very yogi-c of me, I'm aware.

But neither was Solar Panels' unnecessary clobbering of dear sweet Gay-mes.
(Taking a play from the Bentley playbook and minding the hair)


"Flying ALL over THE WORLD" Uh, ONE country at this point. Solar Panels the Geographer.

Oh, Gay-mes and the orange-clad monks! Anything but Ashley, really, will do...

It's Thailand- the land of Shenanigans with a capital S. Glad they're smart enough to pick up on that re: "Anything is possible in Chiang Mai"

*Palm to forehead - my reaction to them running up the steps into that hotel.

Gaymes, you're jealous of Ashley's chemistry...with all of the guys.

"We have a lot of mutual atRACHShon for each other"

"I love this stuff!" *palm to forehead

"Street food!" *palm to forehead

(This WHOLE show, for that matter- *palm to forehead)

Ah, I see Jibber Jabber/Flash Mob Ben and Gaymes have been giving these guys some preppy tips. Good job on your polo shirt, Josh Groban Winemaker.

"[The PRODUCERS are] So romantic!!!"

I will never get over why these people define "putting themselves out there" as this, and only this, TV show 'journey'.

I am about as attracted to Personal Trainer as Matthew McConaughey. Which is zero. It's hard to consider guys attractive when you hear they stand the height you were in 6th grade (approx 5'9"). #TallGirlProblems

'I'm really really glad that you're ... distracting me, albeit marginally, from Bentley'

Why are they making out when there are these Thai people giving a special dance performance? Disrespectful, right?!

I want the chin dread instructor to be my Thai sensei. He's so annoyed by these half-men.

My pink gloves are biggAr than me!

"It's pretty wild" - Gaymes in his ELEMENT. First the monks, now the boxers...what next?!

"I HAVE NOT BEEN IN A FIGHT IN MY LIFE" (NO WORDS.)

THE PINK. "I PREFER don't mind"

Did you see that 2 second shot of Gaymes's gay clap!?


No, pretty sure the whole 'fighting like a girl' thing is already covered, JP.

"I'm nerVAS"

Roommate: You can't put guys in a boxing ring and tell them, 'Oh just have fun!' Dummies. I mean, SMART producers.

I appreciate the anti-fight (anti-war?) sentiments, Gaymes, but surely you've taken a David Barton Gym (aka The Marc Jacobs Gym) kickboxing class. You know, for reasons of urban self defense...

Ugh, again, Anal Solar Panels putting the U in Unnecessary and giving poor Gaymes a concussion. This is why smiley guys creep me out!

"I'll be back" - I gotta do a few struts around the ring in my sports bra in front of these modest Thai people.

Boxing- where only plastic reconstructive surgeons win.

Wait. She didn't fight? I thought she was going to get roasted again!!!

Aaand ... Gaymes still turns up to the mixer in a sportcoat and khakis, unlike these toolbags dressing like (wannabe) off-duty surfers. *Sigh.

"HE LOOKS GREAT" "THANKS, MAN!"

(Looks like they all noticed, too.)

I had to wait too long for that Bentley reference! Thank you, Ashley editing!

"YAR a GOLFER!!!" Why does she get SO hyper SO fast. I don't understand girls sometimes.

"I LOVE [that another guy showed me where my heart is: with Bentley]"

Dental love.


They think they're so Tom and Huck, but they have that Thai man steering the boat!

NEWSFLASH: If you admit that you "CAN be the biggest D in the room," then you are one, completely.

Fiiiinally, some more sabotage storyline thanks to Watchface William.

This is bizarre. Because William has SUCH a good trAck record!

Ah well. Like I said in the first recap, Flash Mob Ben's out of her league anyway, even with the Jibber Jabber aspect.

I love these little girl talk chats between JP and dentist. "You. Make. Me. Feel. like I'm livin a Teen. age. Dream!"

Just like the roast, you have such a way with words, William! Adios.


"Rocket ship" *Palm to forehead

'It's at the point where it's not fair to the guys going to make GREAT TV' - Thanks Chris Harrison!

'Diaries of the Departed' promo for ABC online- LOOKS AMAZING (not enough for me to watch it, but I LOVED that promo, ABC!)

I'm gonna be SO honest with you from now on and tell you about Bentley .

Eh, Personal Trainer's actually relieved he got kicked off because he's worried how long he could have gone cheating on his true love, Creatine.

Um, no, you ordered Bentley to Hong Kong, Ashley. No need to act surprised. I just thought you were going to be honest with us now?!?! ;)

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Dis-Pinterest-ed

Needless to say, since moving to NY, my BS meter (and gaydar, for that matter. AMES??!) has been FINELY tuned.


So this is why, after so many sang its praises and compelled me to check it out, I have taken issue with Pinterest.


NAMELY, the 'sign up' form eliciting unnecessary emails that have, essentially, turned me off.


UGH, I did not give you my email to join an e-waiting list, Pinterest! Get over yourself!


And RIGHT, I'm tooootally going to check you out on Facebook and Twitter in this ambiguous 'meantime' because I'm on such PINS and needles to be a part of this exclusivity!!!



NO, I'm pretty sure, nay, 100 PERCENT SURE, I already joined via giving you MY email on YOUR site.

Don't turn this around and put the ball in MY court, because it's actually in YOURS now to re- and over- impress me enough to come back.


I mean, REALLY? (Seth and Amy- SNL shout out) REALLY, Pinterest? Who do you think you are??! REALLY!



"We'll let you know" ... 30 minutes later ... "Congrats!" This is not my first time at the rodeo.

Besides, you're about as pretentious as Tumblr, Pinterest. There, I just made it real for you.


But never fear my friends, I am open to your happy Pinterest stories. Maybe they will all one day mount in argument against my current dis-pinterest ... so much that I actually start.


(PS: duh, I'm on my email at 1am on weekends.)

Monday, June 13, 2011

Bachelorette Recap Ep. 4: I miss/ed Bentley

Clearly it's both of us who miss the son of a b---GUN.


Leave this mansion...."forever." Oh Chris Harrison.

Ohh the crop tops.

The poor Thai concierge. Don't judge us based on "har".

Guys are not bummed, secretly wish Bentley were still there so he could teach them how to play to WIN.

Enough with the "I thought of this."

Her weird nervous tic putting her fist over her mouth when she's anxious.

"The mystery of Ashley" I laughed at a very high decibel.

"Hangeeen out" - she DOES belong with Bentley in Utah!

"Don't try to win??" Wait, don't they win a cash prize at the end? OH WAIT, no that's Bachelor Pad, even more shenanigans amazing.

Jibber Jabber Ben.... again... RELAX. Enjoy Thailand, buddy.

AAAAMES, ma boy!!!

Aw making rainbows out of raindrops. TENDER.

We're headed in a really good 'DirAAAction'

Constantine asking for her advice to be the next Bachelor. But he's sincere about this whole thing, so it'd be a boring season.

"Don't be insecure, [I took off work, I'm in Thailand having a brofest...Life's GOOOOD]"

What is this man girl-talk between JP, Josh Groban Winemaker, and Blake? About break out into 'Teenage Dream' or something (ok, no judging, that song is my guilty pleasure).

Mute out Constantine talking, cue voice over of a Are You There God/Bentley, It's Me Ashley monologue.

"THIS TIME [Not in real life, but right now when I'm on TV] I'm going to give it all I've got!!!" - The crux of The Bachelor's genius.

Oh my gosh, it's such a self-improvement journey! Dr Phil is blushing!

That smile says 'hopeful', alright. (Are You There, Bentley?)

Ames, unlike the other guys, could never get enough Solar Panels.

Solar Panels- so classic happy-go-lucky-but-gets-anal-about-dumb-things kind of guy.

OMG ADORABLE KIDS. Soh wah dee kap!!!

Personal Trainer on the hula hoop. Perfact.

Omg, JP's face reminds me of the face Darrell Hammond on SNL makes as John McCain. "Joe the plumber")



They always need so much affirmation.

"He just needs to get more confident in this setting [with all the other guys]" Newsflash: Polyamory has been most popular historically-speaking, but it hasn't been popular for a while now, hun.

Solar Panels is the SoCal version of Brad Womack. Gag. 'so concerned' he's not going to make international destination #2!

JP John McCain looks like gross Anthony Weiner and 'lizard face' Chris Bosh (shout out to Congo).

Roommate: "Look how the umbrella just disappears! So awkward!" {Collective fits of laughter}

AMESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! Such a cute gay.

Omg, looks like they were doing water ballet for a second. Wouldn't be surprised.

The AMES date:
"Aw may gash!"
He's standing a foot away from her!
"I can't talk to her!" More attracted to nature than a woman.
'We' met... 'We' ended up dating for a long time. Kept it gender-neutral.
He's sitting 2 feet away from her!
Look how tight his shirt is, at dinner!
He just used the word 'floral'. He notices the flowers more than her.
"You're....different"
"Ashley and I didn't kiss tonight"

I called it G-Ames. Moving on ...


I feel so sorry for Ashley and being in such a 'dark place'.

"I would totally approach you at a restaurant. First, you're gorgeous... Second... uh ...." Typical. Love it.

You just SAID you 'fell out of love', dummy. So don't question aloud whether or not you think 'that' exists or not. Bleh, southern gentlemen.

Blake's confrontation. Amazing. He's losing it! Play to WIN, play to WIN!!!

"I don't have problems with guys." ('You would need to talk to Gay Ames')

Haha, oh Anal Solar Panels.

What the hell is this soldier analogy?

Ah, this is why these 'always happy' guys creep me out. Because they get legitimately mad with a smile PLASTERED. Inconsistent emotions and facial expressions = creepy.

I can't put into words how amazing that shot was of the guys getting their first glimpse of her at the Rose Ceremony. Pavlov Dog reaction much?


Guess who's back, back again... Shady's back!!!!!!!!!!! HALLELUJAH!
I just pumped my fist in the air no less than 10 times.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Major Middleton Girl Crush

Royal Wedding fever hasn't gone away for me...


Inspired by Camilla coming out of the Kate closet.... I mean, RIGHT?!

(I'm so glad their job is to sell magazine covers for the rest of their lives.)



Don't worry, I told my mom a few weeks ago I'd like the Pippa bag for my birthday ... which is not until September. It's on major backorder, I'm being smart! ;)


Even talked about it tonight at dinner with a friend who was carrying a peach colored Pippa-like bag.


This. Must. Stop. ... Seriously, my drug of choice!

Pictures of Wills and Kate at the derby found here. Have had the page bookmarked for days now... oh gee.