Friday, July 29, 2011

Well, East Coast girls are hip

Even though my California Girl je ne sais quoi is but a small flicker nowadays (not that it was ever blazing), I love this picture so much because it captures my childhood.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

More reasons why I love my friends

An open letter to Mr. Sun

I almost forgot about my whole hate-love relationship with you!

On one hand, that whole literal shininess bit is nice.

But quickly mitigated by the residual sunburn and migraine you leave in your wake.

Sure, you can slap me on the wrist for neglecting the former.

However, before you jump to any conclusions that I am dehydrated, you should know that I drink water like a camel preparing for a trans-African, multiple dust storm journey ...


What gives, Mister?!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Bachelorette Recap Ep. 9: a.k.a. 'How To Mispronounce "Nervous'"

Welp, I may not have called Ames' (formerly known as Gaymes) preferences, but so many have since come out of the closet in favor. Including Telly, who strongly prefers pirates or lumberjack types. Apparently, NO one is immune from the allure of The Prep. Or maybe Telly just likes men. I mean, because I'm getting SO good at calling these kinds of things, LET'S BE HONEST. ;)

Ah, it's really been SUCH a "hard time" Ash!!!

I guess if this happened to me, I might think the same way.

Ben, it's actually PREFERABLE if you were NEVER ok with "this kind of thing." Most people in their right mind are not.

Ahh, huge diss to the other Groban by not showing family footage OR the producers ran out of things to show about snoozefest Constantine.

'JP LOOKS LIKE A MODEL.' Best thing she's ever said.

Writing in her jerNAL.


"And Chris said, 'Jackpot. This will make great TV because you are so unaware of your embarrassing behavior.'"

Winemaker Groban is going through a 'finding himself' phase or whatever NorCal winemakers do when they're not cruising around their vineyards via vespa.

"I wanted her to liiike meee. Did she?" Insecure question #987945873

She doesn't care for you and curses the day my sister signed me up for this, "but she knows I'm [temporarily] happy."

I can't even comment on these awkward "Uh, yeah. I'd, uh, love to go to the fantasy suite" statements.

Constantine is the next Bachelor, mark my words.

WHAT IS HER OUTFIT? Worst one by far.

"Really, [I look tan]?" Insecure question #...I lost count.

LOL OF THE SEASON: Solar Panels watching the helicopter ride.

You have water FOR a brain, Ashley.

"I wanted a mancave" I rest my case.

"We don't have a lot of time" because all good relationships don't take time, either.

Oh, shoot, Barry's on. It's the end of America, we get it. Thanks for the reminder to look into New Zealand real estate, Obama.

Boehner's on, too. Shoot. Better look at Oz as well. Not since 1600 has paying taxes to The Queen (for among other things, Andy's shenanigans) felt so intuitive. Regressing has never been so de rigueur!!

Ok, back to Ashley for more mind atrophy.

Ahahaha, it's so clear why they brought Ryan back. Looove it. She's so insecure.

Solar Panels is the kind that puts himself in the line of abuse and then demands sympathy. Go away already.

Oh shoot, SP is the next Bach. OH DEAR.

Ugh, you're a perfectly nice Jewish boy. You deserve so much better!

WHAT ARE HER EARRINGS? Still at the roller rink...

Bentley FTW.

"You can't hold back" = "I'm so insecure that you're not telling me that you love me."

"nerVISSS" - she STILL can't pronounce it correctly.

Ah, FINALLY, her Amy Winehouse (RIP) sister calling out her BS.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Little ditties I love.

Little sis is on a grand tour of Southeast Asia with her friend, and pictures have just started to roll in on The Face (book).

Could this be the first 6'2" ginger Vietnam has ever seen? Perhaps.

Watched Notorious with my mom the other day and found out that Ingrid Bergman is the spitting image of my grandmother.

Based on this past weekend's impromptu focus group, Sponge Paint Lady is a HIT with private school girls. You know, the ones who already speak 5 languages each, and wax especially rhapsodic about the dead ones.
Clearly, you all need to reexamine your humorous preferences.
Just kidding, I'm not forcing my lifestyle on you. ;)

My new job is finally starting next week, and I move even further downtown in two weeks. The horizon is so bright, not even the melting streets can bring me down.


Thursday, July 21, 2011

We interrupt these messages

To make the announcement that Liz's (my intelligent, uplifting, and mature comrade) friend's friend went on a date with Ames.

And he is "definitely not gay."

Talk about a blow to the ego: I thought I was getting so gooood at calling 'em! ;)

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

You asked for it

I have watched this video no less than 25 times.

You're welcome.*

*keep your mind out of the gutter!

via Jezebel

Monday, July 18, 2011

Bachelorette Recap Ep. 8: Pizza making, the ultimate trump card

"normal sAttings"

"I love his long hair"

She is dressed like she's on the way to a Dancing With The Stars dress rehearsal. PerFact.

(oblivious to what she is insinuating) : "The waitresses just lAv him!

Constantine wants to win because he knows his family is shopping their restaurant for a reality show. Lots of job securities are on the line!!! Don't blow it!!!

So funny how these talks are staged. Like this is the FIRST time dad and son have talked about the future. Oh wait, it's the Bachelor...maybe it IS the first time... In the words of Andy Samberg, "Awkward!!!"


HAHAHA Parents in the doorway!!!!! Is that taught in film school? Reality TV 101?

Ames "hasn't brought home many girls before." Yeah, because the other other girls didn't have camera crews.

My friend Liz thinks he's the weirdest-looking person ever. SAD for her...

(Just one of many email threads between us. I live for them. They're so intelligent, uplifting, and mature.)

"She's brilliant" - OH DEAR

Aww, Gaymes.

Ashley, you like ANY Josh Groban lookalike.

Boat shoes for the win. The hair is such a conflicting element of his under-prep-stimated image.

He's only brought 1 home because normal girls don't travel with camera crews, Ashley.

LOL. Yes, mom! Cut the hair in his sleep!!!!!

All these moms love her, wow.

JP takes a sympathy fall; confirms, once again, that he has no spine.

Oh, his hair is growing back. yipee!!!

'I get on such a high...' when these camera crews come around.

"Please enjoy yawselves" -new yawker hawspitahlity.

Aw, she's such a good jewish mom.

Bar mitzvah photo is GENIUS!!!!!


Winemaker cut his hair! Hallelujah.

"Pizza maker over Harvard Business School, wow." - my mom. Oh wait, it's the Bachelorette... I ALMOST FORGOT.

Friday, July 15, 2011

I'm a complex individual

I am SO glad my life is not solely reduced to the White Girl Problems twitter feed.

Behold the F*** I'm in My Twenties! tumblr. OH GOOD.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

For the win

Just because.

Remember when it was a thing? Sigh.

Bachelorette Recap Ep. 7: Out with the Girlie Men

(To quote a despicable, multiple siring governator)

"Taiwan is the Hidden jewel of asia because most people don't know about it." Don't insult our intelligence, Ashley.

Why is she always dressed like she's on Spring Break in Cancun. Would it KILL you to wear a longer than fallopian length skirt, Ashley?!

"steam engAn"

Because Constantine is still a bro, Ash. That's why it's moving slow.

A wedding I attended this past weekend did this same lantern thing! It looked magical, in the twilight over a lake.

"Taking this lantern thing seriously! = there's a potential future together!" *PALM TO FOREHEAD

Gorgeous is spelled GORGES... Ashley meant "GorGAS!"

I care about Ashley a lot, but you know, I still can't give up my residual frat-tastic ways.

They're talking about Brad Womack?

Her insecure questions have become a common thread. (i.e. "Do you think our love wish will come through?")

PerFact, PerFact.

Another Spring Break in Cancun outfit.

Solar Panels is the most obnoxious person on the face of the planet. Grow some testosterone and try getting mad, for once. Ahhh girlie men.

Aww, MacGRUBER (!) (Lucas) trying to make coherent sentences.

"You ARE seriAs about this?" Insecure question #98384

"I don't think she will end up with any of them. They're all such looosers!" - sister

Aaand, another Spring Break Forever 21 outfit.

*GASP - GAYMES'S appearance! PerFact!!!

Gaymes is loving this shoot.

"You nerVas? All this wwwedding stuff?!" -insecure question #89082

MacGruber is a girlie man ... mad about outfits? Oy.

Oh Gaymes. I die for little prep school boys in their uniform coat and tie.

Solar Panels fiiishing for intimacy.

He's SO bent out of shape about that block throwing thing. Wow.

Solar Panels the Tai-Chi EXPERT.

He is exhausting.

But Solar Panels would do the same thing (storm out of a girls apartment over a tossed water bottle). Of course, he's creepy so he'd never admit it until the opportunity presented itself.

Girlie man! This confessional is so unnecessary and embarrassing! Stop!

Her dress is Spring Break Cancun mermaid style.

I'm just sad I won't be able to yell "MacGruber!" anymore at the screen.

Ahh, snooze. Which one of her Spring Break outfits was your favorite? Meaning, the worst?!

Wait, Emily?

He'll always be a huge part of your life?

DOT DOT DOT for the win.

You'll always be in love with him?

Sunday, July 10, 2011

When sport becomes art

My dad and I got really emotional watching the USA vs. Brazil Womens' World Cup game today.

I have never had such a reaction to a sporting event in my life!

If you didn't see it, this recap is the best... but does NOT even include:

-the USA was playing 10 on 11 for the most of the game

-The Stretcher Incident pulled in the last couple minutes before stoppage (I was SEETHING. SEETHING!!!)

-that Marta (Brazil) is the #1 ranked player in the world

- the generally INNUMERABLE times that main ref made ludicrous calls on us.

-Wambach's post game interview in which she mentioned how the game reflects American determination as a whole.

among other things.

there aren't very many cases where many come off on top on such a grand stage, when all odds are stacked against, in as dramatic or beautiful a fashion.

"So get this through your bonnet:"

How to be a Young Lady in 1939 Manhattan via Gawker

"...but for night life, well you've got to have that otherwise dispensable creature, man, with you."


I think this is funny ... but then I immediately go back to fawning over Kate's outfits for the 2039483rd time.