Sunday, August 10, 2014

Getting (it) down

I've decided to blog again. I know, I know. 

Many blogs are embarrassing--I used to make fun of (many of) them all the time, which I realized was a negative stimulus in my life that only coerced my own self-criticism. Duh, right?
I also noticed that I would enter into life situations with a blogger's lens, akin to a "reporter's lens" often cited in the journalism field for the way in which you approach a certain situation all for the purpose of reporting it. A blogger's/reporter's lens is something that I feel, quite ironically, inhibits your ability to enjoy, assess, or just be in a situation.
Somehow, I started reading Gawker and Jezebel all the time until I started to really notice that the same kind of victimized, snarky, accusatory tone started taking shape in my own head. Sort of like a liberal arts college student who is groomed to critically analyze any topic for its fallacies, even if it be a neutral, non-threatening topic like pizza or a pencil eraser. 

When I first started blogging, I would get that writer's high of knowing people were reading and responding positively to it. But then I started to get major anxiety over how much information I divulge to who knows who or a relevant person who you'd not like to read things for certain relevant reasons, or worrying about pleasing someone and offending another.

I'm really going to try and stop mulling, but doing. And doing, meaning writing. More than my twitter micro-blog.

And since moving to LA (which I've found to be an incredibly supportive community), I have been asked about my writing work. Rather than get into the myriad of reasons why blogging gives me anxiety, maybe I should be more vulnerable again and just write shit down.
These are all my first drafts leading up to what I hope will be a crescendo of an idea, so enjoy the ride.

Also, I'm closing comments until further notice (it's not you, it's me).