I had a religious leader tell me this past weekend that it's unnecessary to connect dots of your life to have it make sense, because some things just don't. It's what I needed to hear, since a lot of things that have happened in my life don't make sense to me, and I waste so much energy grappling to find meaning from it all that the present becomes a wallow-fest of the past.
Living with ambiguity is something I realized I just need to get comfortable with. Dots don't need to be connected and things don't need to make sense immediately. Perhaps this longing for immediacy is a byproduct of living in the 21st century: let's face it, I'm addicted to instant gratification. It feels good and it's satisfying. But I need to be more cognizant of just letting things sit for the sake of sitting, putting them on a shelf like an old book that I can pick up again in years to come, or maybe never again (gasp!).