Monday, April 20, 2015

Ode to a crush of yesteryear

When a boy doesn't like me, I've matured a bit to take it in more stride than I did at age…say 21. I used to be devastated, my heart crushed to smithereens… and I began to doubt myself. I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't smart enough, I wasn't witty enough, I wasn't 'motherly' enough…. or that I wasn't dumb enough or short enough (ha! To think I ever liked guys that didn't like a tall smart girl. Oh youth.)

But I've realized as I grow older, that I'm just fine the way I am. Sure there's always room for growth, and progression, but I take it a lot less personally when guys don't like me. In fact, I sometimes even go as far as seeing it as a fundamental personality flaw if they don't. Take this cute athletic nerd I liked a few months ago. Found out he's seeing some alternative, crass chick. Instead of pitying myself, I laughed about it. Even now, as I type, it's cracking me up. It's actually kind of interesting to me that I thought so much better of him! He seemed perfectly lovely in his own goofy way. Good family, strong education, college athlete…a good all-American nerd. But it makes so much sense now-- he would never go for me, I'm not his type! And that's totally cool… if not, hilarious.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's nice to have the confidence that age brings. I used to be pretty paralyzed by self-doubt, but now it feels nice not to care. I was also formerly bewildered when people said they didn't care what others think, but now I'm starting to get it. I don't think I could ever be completely impervious to others' thoughts since I'm human, but it's certainly a worthy goal.